13 January 2012

Public Relayo

Garmento: Someone active in the New York garment district

Public Relayo: Someone active in fashion public relations. Especially in New York

You're gonna love this place. LOVE. IT. Sure, they stole the idea but fashion's about stealing. Don't let anyone tell you different. Most people do nothing with an idea. Yeah, they created it but did they sell it? No, they did not. Is that my problem? No, it is not. Am I Gandhi?
No, I'm PR.

Let's go in. Wow, check it out. Is this fantastic or what. Look, Japanese magazines. They rule. The magazines not the Japanese. You ever work with 'em? I have. They're morons. Who don't pay. Tried to stiff me. No one stiffs me. I wouldn't leave their office until they paid me. And I told 'em that. I didn't get it all but I got enough.

I don't work for free. I don't do anything for free. Some clown wants me to write a post for his blog? Fuck you. I don't do anything for nothing. See, that's your problem. You're like Michael Keaton driving around retards in a van. What was that movie? You don't know that movie? I thought you knew movies. Oh, wait...no one has ever seen the movies you like.

Is that a nice sweater or what. Feel the wool. Who cares it's $400 and they made it for $20. Who's gonna pay the rent? You? With what? But seriously...it's all bullshit. Just a sec...I gotta say hi to someone. Steve! Tasty goods. Dude, is that a Sub? Awesome. Vintage?! Get the fuck outta here! Things must be good. Later, man. Love the concept.

There's a story for you. No taste. Folding folding shirts at Abercrombie and Fitch less than two years ago. Now he's a designer. Totally ripped it off. That's how it works, dude. Play the game. Look, I gotta get some bubble wrap to send a client a case of Barritt's.

You mind if we go in here for a sec? Cool. Hey! Bubble wrap?! No? What the fuck good are you? Can you believe that? Fucking UPS store and they don't have bubble wrap. What's the point. If they were in the funeral business people wouldn't die anymore.

So, where was I. So, Steve is taking it up the ass at A&F. I mean, no one should ever have to work retail. One day he's downtown and there's this guy who has Steve's tasty plus a thousand degrees. Steve would have to stand on Mt Rainer to blow this guy. But who knows about it? I'll tell you who. No fucking one. So, the guy gets ripped off. Down to the floor boards and Steve's wearing a $15,000 Rolex. Why he got a GMT is beyond me. It clashes with his red beard. You got time for lunch? My treat 'cause I know you're fucking destitute.

This shit is all good. I love it here. Order anything. Anyway, I meant to tell you about that interview you did. Look, he's a decent guy but he's dead. No one talks to him anymore. No one gives a shit. And I know he has integrity and that shit you call soul. Whatever. But he's no longer in the game. Used to be. Not any more. You wasted your time. Then there's the other extreme. The woman who sent you that ridiculous tie -- from where? From Fargo or someplace? Dude, more wasted time. I mean if you're ever gonna buy me lunch you gotta knock this shit off.

Fuck, I ate too much. You walking north? Cool, I'll stroll with you as far as 12th. Like the shades? They sent 'em free. I hear working with the French is as bad as the Japanese but they pay more. Look! See that guy? There...in the waxed cotton coat. That guy is dressed like that 'cause of me. No one was wearing this shit until me. So what he looks 50 -- What's your point? Yeah, you may have bought a coat like that when I was 10 but when did you start wearing it again? When I said so. That's when. Jesus, you fuckin' old guys crack me up. Keep screwing with me and no one'll ever talk to you again.

19 comments:

Brohammas said...

The story telling is great, a name would sell dude... if you are ever gonna buy lunch in this town you gotta tell names.

Trailer Trad said...

Tin Tin,

My blog isn't working right. Could you troubleshoot it for free?

stephanie / those tricks said...

bwahaha.
great read.

ann said...

Nice voice, Tintin. I'm guessing dead on. Scary guy, though. Very Ratso Rizzo.

Alice Olive said...

I've had two espressos this morning but I still can't keep up with this post's pace!

Anonymous said...

i don't get it

GSV JR said...

Ah, NYC...

Dallas said...

sniff, snort, and rub the rest into the gums.

Enzo AGC said...

You nailed him.

Soul never becomes irrelevant. Workwear does.

Anonymous said...

ann: more like Rick Rozay.

jeff said...

So well done. Unless it actually happened!

Giuseppe said...

I'm going to print this one out and frame it, so I can go look at it next time my life of retail jobs and the time I waste obsessing about clothing gets me down. Nothing helps like being reminded how silly it all is.

Just watch out that the term "soul" doesn't become next year's "authenticity". If it does, at least you can be the guy in the post and take credit for something that existed before you and after you.

ImageRelay said...

un-toppable. dont' know/care who it's about. funny as sht

Fargo Girl said...

Public Relayo = Private Restrepo pun yes? BRAVO.

Anonymous said...

Never understood the peculiarly American fascination with thugishness and implicit violence -- gangster films, taxi driver, street wise, dude, vulgarity ......all that sort of stuff. Total bore. Is it possible to culturally move on? -- or are we stuck on this tape?

Amatourist said...

perpetual motion. that's some good shit, dude.

GP said...

You might give cognitive behavioral therapy a long try.

GSV JR said...

Ah, Europeans...

Anonymous said...

Face it T. You got this insecure hack by the balls. When are you gonna start squeezing?