Fatal White Encounters

CNA Producer School, Spring, 1993

If I hadn't gone into insurance I might be alive today.

Dive Bar Coasters

Thought up in an airport bar by a couple Trad readers -- I feel like a father. Special thanks to Kay and Sally.

Something For The Weekend: God Bless America

"Thanks for not talking during the feature."

Remember when the title, "Something For The Weekend" was about buying a classic car? British racing green with butterscotch leather upholstery and a mahogany rimmed steering wheel. These days, I can barely cough up enough for a movie. But if I can, I refuse to be crammed into a mall multiplex with The Avengers nor will I be witness to the Dench - Nighy spiritual awakening in India.

Nope. I'm middle aged, moronic and pissed off -- So, I'll try Bobcat (Shakes The Clown) Goldthwait's, God Bless America this weekend. It looks perfect. Back in 2005, I pitched a screenplay about a Special Force's operative who murders hedge fund executives responsible for the death of his mother and hundreds more at a national chain of negligently run, albeit profitable, nursing homes. But my screenplay, 'Sgt. Knight,' isn't a comedy. Screenplay open to Hip-Pocket representation.

Cities and dates here.

Something Special...

Kate Spade Restroom - One of the Best


Showplace Antique Center @ 40 W 25th Street. Website Here































Last Summer I was visiting Jack Spade and before leaving stopped by the powder room. I've visited a number of New York's fashion elite restrooms. I think they tell a lot about the designer and the brand and you'll be able to see them all just as soon as I secure my book deal, "Fashion Takes A Dump." A sumptuous coffee table book filled with full color photographs of fashion's places to ponder. He may be Tom Ford but he has to pee just like any other man... he may pee sitting down but you get my point.

I'm heading east on 25th Street and am stopped in my tracks by a window display of enamel double links. Thinking it one store -- it turns to a gallery of stores. Over 200 on four floors packed to the gunwales with some of the most bizarre, interesting, cool, kitschy stuff you're likely to find... in one place.

There's a website so no excuses about living in Naperville and having to shop at the Woodfield Mall. You're gonna have to forgo a 70% discount as well but you know all this discount stuff is bullshit anyway. Americans would buy horseshit if it were discounted enough. Which is mostly what's in the malls of this country.

Some ideas for ladies today and I'll follow with guy stuff tomorrow Monday. Be warned. This is shopping that takes some thought but it's connecting with someone special through something special. You'll know it when you see it.

Steve McQueen's Porsche

UK Classic Cars Magazine - 1993

The guy who insured pig farms came up with the idea over lunch. Get a syndicate together and buy Steve McQueen's Porsche 911. The marketing guy, who dreamed up porn movie plots, was in for $10,000. His best, a bizarre "I Dream of Jeannie" plot device where Major Nelson's penis size increased with each Jeannie "blink" while being boinked.

The pig farm guy was in for $20,000. He wasn't married, came from money and was boinking the agency owner's secretary. A courageous and ultimately foolish decision. I was married, poor and boinking no one so $10,000 to me was a stretch but not impossible since bonus time was fast approaching.

But January turned into February and rumors of the big day spread across the 20th floor of the Hancock like wild fire on the Serengeti. B-Day finally came in April -- Never under estimate the power of keeping people economically off balance. Account executives sneaked calculators into bathrooms where they would attempt to make sense of numbers in symbolic privacy.

Vice presidents closed office doors and, whether in defeat or celebration, called wives. Celebrants somehow managed to find each other after 5:01 PM and proceeded to drink, smoke cigars, fall off bar stools and show each other their bonus checks.

By midnight, the celebrants stumbled into homes where wives called them beer smelling ashtrays. The tirades cut short only by showing a crumpled piece of paper that turned into a new kitchen, car, bathroom or house. It did not turn into a 69 Porsche. I never did like Steve McQueen.

Extinct Etamine Etymolgy

The Holy Grail

Etamine pullover


Etamine in yellow, white, blue, pink and melon


Etamine defined


I was talking to Tom Davis (MTM Shirts) at Brooks Brothers last week. We covered a lot of ground but everything stopped when he brought up etamine. An ultra light voile-like fabric used by Brooks Brothers for shirting years ago. I did some digging around and didn't find much. I'm still digging.

A weekend wander through textile and fashion books reveal the letter 'E' has the fewest entries and etamine ain't one of 'em. The internet will tell you it's a light porous cotton in an open mesh, susceptible to snagging, with a slight gloss finish. Dig a little deeper into the etymology and, by 1936, etamine is pretty much extinct.

Hardly a surprise Brooks Brothers catalogs from the late '70s and early '80s show the shirt Tom remembered. Short sleeve pullover in basic blue, yellow and white with pink and melon added in 1981. Great colors, popular pullover style and a fabric that appears to breathe better than linen. Cheaper too according to a web site that sells etamine for three bucks a meter (beware minimum order).

Who knows if etamine today is the same as it was in 1981? That's a question not a statement. If you know, please let me know, since the hunt is on. Summers don't look like they're gonna get any cooler.

Best Brooks Brothers Ad

Photo: Wally McNamee / Corbis June 1973

"I love John in his Brooks Brothers suits and wing tip shoes. It really turns me on." Maureen Dean

Trad Approved

Discover Avery Lucas & Booker T.

Avery Lucas - Esquire Magazine 1993

It's unique everywhere you go

Avery Lucas Four Button Jacket

Button down

Flap pocket shirt

Patch pockets

An Autumnal Wine that's hard to find

Turn up Booker T & The MGs

Avery Lucas took me on a sartorial road trip. He called and asked if I'd check out a four button tartan jacket he was making. "A what?" Avery said, "It's very Trad." I said, "How in the hell is four button Trad, Avery?" "That's why you gotta see it." he said. Ok. I don't have the stones for this. Now. But that may change.

The tweaks and nods to Trad are everywhere. From a distance, it's as Andover Shop as the day is long but, up close, it changes. I love this shirt with the J Press flap pocket, rounded collar points and beautiful MOP buttons. If you're a designer - start taking notes.

The jacket has a traditional stance but it's rich in Italian drape. The patch pockets keep it clean and simple and you barely notice the fourth button. It's not finished yet and I can't wait to see how it comes out.

This isn't a Friday Belt but Avery thought the jacket very Autumnal so I went looking for something. Italian for the cut but with a twist. Approachable but different. You know? Like the jacket.

At Dell'Anima, they turned me onto a white from Italy made by nuns with help from Paolo Bea's son, Giampiero. Coenobium Rusticum is best served with a slight chill. Not too cold and not too expensive. Less than $25. And like Autumn it's a beautiful gold with just a hint of a cider finish. As off the reservation as Avery's Tartan.

And because I haven't heard them in years -- I offer something for you to turn up and head into the weekend with. Booker T & the MGs doing Time is Tight - - When four button jackets where everywhere.

Trad Approved Ephemera

Among rack after rack of 'curated' boredom at Capsule - I ran into Grahame Fowler. And what a breath of fresh air he is. We talked about all kinds of things including vintage Rolexes, Hornets and military salvage. He gave me the piece of paper up there and asked that I stop by his shop on West 10th.

I stuffed the paper in my pants pocket and didn't really look at it until I got home. Simple but imaginative. Stamps and bleeding ink. It reminded me of a Lloyd's of London line slip. Each underwriter takes a percentage of risk and puts his 'line' down via a stamp. Just like that thing they stamp your passport with. I love paper.

Anyway, with the fashion over load going on in NYC this week - I thought I'd share something you don't wear. Although, those stamps would make a bitchin' t-shirt. Hmmm? Dear Mr. Lauren...

Distressed Death by Polo

Mr. Ralph Lauren

650 Madison Ave
New York, NY 10022

Dear Mr Lauren:

It's been a while and I haven't heard from you or your office. I'm guessing you're out of town. Maybe for the whole Summer. I know rich people do that. I was also thinking, that maybe you were thinking, that I'm just a 'one idea' kinda guy. Boy, are you wrong. I got tons of ideas. Here's another one I'm going to give you for free.

You know how you're involved in so many cool things? You've come a long way from wide ties. That's because you're not only cool. You're a genius on top of being cool. But here's a genius idea that can't miss. Ralph Lauren tombstones. Pretty cool, huh? I always say, "people gotta die." I stole that from, "people gotta eat." But it's true, you know? Nobody gets out of this world alive.

Just because you're dead doesn't mean you can't be cool. What's cooler than having an 18th century tombstone? I think you'll agree with me that most tombstones are pretty boring and very 1970's looking although I'm not sure why.

My idea - I mean your idea (;), is to offer different models of replica tombstones from the 1700s and distress them like jeans. I think a sand blaster would work. Then stain them with some greasy green moss looking paint. How cool is that?

So now you have two big picture ideas from me. I'll tell you, if I don't hear from you soon, I'm going to have to approach Mickey Drexler with this idea. Not that I want to but this is a no brainer and I gotta strike while the marble's hot. Who knows...Tommy Hilfiger could be working on this already.

Sincerely,

The Trad

PS- We can put your our Polo player on the lower right side of the stone. I think that would be very understated.

Design Inspiration

Hudson's Bay Company Magazine? Beautiful but missing yellow.

Hudson's Bay Company Scotch? No and I can't find this Scotch anywhere.

Hudson's Bay Company Point Blanket? Cue the ballons.

Surprised so few of you knew the inspiration for my 'RLR' line. You know what they say..."You don't have to have a point... to have a point. Have a pointless weekend.

The Shirt Off My Back: Ralph Lauren Rules!

Option I

Option II

Option III

P.S. A polo shirt with three cool options, Mr Lauren.

Option I - A cream short sleeve polo with the collar done in green, red, yellow and black. I added the RLR (Ralph Lauren Rules!) monogram just for you, sir.

Option II - A cream short sleeve polo with sleeve banded in green, red, yellow and black.

Option III (my favorite, Mr Lauren) - A cream short sleeve polo with the rear tail banded in green, red, yellow and black.

BTW, I don't really need that Town Car...I mean, if that's holding things up I can take the subway to work - not a problem whatsoever.

Dear Mr. Lauren

Mr. Ralph Lauren
650 Madison Avenue,
New York, NY 10022

Dear Mr Lauren:

I know we've had our differences in the past. But I want you to know that I think you're the best greatest designer in the World. If not the Universe. You are a great man and my hero. I want to repay you for turning you into the Department of Defense and offer you these designs I created for another high end fashion designer.

I would have gone to you first because, as I said, you're the best, but look at it this way, I did most of the stealing here so you don't have to.

Up first is a cotton sweater perfect for walking on the beach in the Hamptons. I lived there so I should know. Although, there was only one Hampton when I lived there. Maybe they changed the name of Newport News to Hampton so it sounds better. I don't know.

This was my cool idea that kicked it all off. The British people call this a Brolly and while I don't know why, I think it sounds cool. Just like you, I think most British things are cool. It would make a nice golf umbrella for Purple Label. Or, you can call it, "Green, Red, Yellow and Black Label."

This is a broadcloth shirt guys can wear untucked because, as you know too well, untucked is cool. The pant is a white cotton chino and I'm illustrating how I would do the back trouser pockets. Actually, that's how Julian's in Chapel Hill does back pockets but as I mentioned...I'll do the stealing for you.

I added a description here in my own writing. I think my hand writing is designer-ish. Is that a word? It is now. Ha- Ha. I have many more but thought this small sample would wet your appetite. These are just for you and they're free. Go ahead. Take them. And you can even steal my, "Green, Red, Yellow and Black Label" idea. All you have to do is hire me.

I have lots of ideas. And fashion magazines from many years ago. Some of them are from Europe so nobody alive or in America has ever seen them. Wink - Wink. I can start right away. We would, of course, have to work out some sort of agreement. I'm open to a salary but do require the following:

Clothing Allowance: Anna Wintour gets $200,000 a year. I could get by on just $50,000. That's 'cause I'd buy most of your clothes at my favorite Polo outlet in Orlando. You're like - just giving away Purple Label down there.

Company Discount: What is it? 50%, 70% or 90%? And can I get a bigger discount on my own line? I'd like to do that umbrella in patched sail nylon and hoo - baby, that's gonna be some big bucks. I really should be able to get one free.

Lunch: Do you pay for lunch or do I have to bring it?

Transportation: Again, I mention Anna here because she gets a Mercedes S class and I'm willing to settle for a Lincoln Town car. I think it's much more American - don't you?

Fit Model: Can I have one of those girls from the Rugby ads? I already have my own form that I would use for designing men's stuff but one of those Rugby girls would be really cool for my inspiration.

Well, that's the important stuff out of the way. I'm not so big on the Medical and the 401k stuff. Besides, if you pick up lunch I should be able to save tons of money. I know I threw a lot at you but give it some thought and feel free to call me day or night. Ralph Lauren Rules! (RLR! Another cool logo?)

The Trad