Happy Hump Day

Mixing Plaids

Brannoch Advertisement, Fall, 1989

Brannoch is long gone.  Owned by Plaid Clothing Group, Inc. and acquired by Hartmarx in 1996, it died under the watch of William Roberti.  Mixing plaid successfully is not child's play. Neither is presiding over Brooks Brothers under Marks & Sparks or shooting Duck Head with a .410 shotgun.  Today Roberti works as a public sector crisis management consultant. He must be doing something right.

If You Weren't A Model You'd Be...

A Gay idea of what it's like to be straight.

Back To Newark

...and to 1985.

Wednesday's HUMP - Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie - Origins of HUMP (Hugely Unimportant Midlevel Professional)

Andrew Cedotal of Styleite

I'm always flattered when asked for an interview -- Unless I'm being asked for an interview by the FBI. An old friend and agent told me, "Ask if you're the subject of the investigation. If not, tell them everything you know." It was good advice. Honesty is a good thing. Unless you're the subject of the investigation.

But this was a pleasant interview by a pleasant young man about pleasant things: J Press, Paul Fussell, Take Ivy, Toots Shor...And then Andrew Cedotal of Styleite.com leaned forward and asked, "When do you think it all started to go down hill?" I didn't need clarification. I talked. I talked a lot. But I don't think he got an answer. I have one now.

In 1990, I was sent to a 12 week Dale Carnegie course and I learned this: "Find what it is about someone that really pisses you off and turn it into a compliment." For example - If you're a disingenuous ass kisser who would sell your mother for one rung up the corporate ladder and you wear Kenneth Cole square toed shoes - - I'd say to you, "You know what I like about you next to those beautiful shoes? You're the most honest and straight forward man I've ever met. You tell it like it like it is and that's a very rare commodity today. How's your mother?"

There, I just saved you 12 weeks of nights away from your family. Carnegie published his first best seller, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" in the 1930s and I think it was the start of the end. I mean, the title alone is almost as bad as, "Relationship Manager." Whoever came up with that job description must have been a graduate of Dale Carnegie.

I'm not saying this was an honest country before Dale. Hell, this country has always been about selling. To make the most money with the least amount of effort. "Hey, Bill. Love your tie. That was some fun last night, huh? Let's hope our wives never find out. How about signing here on the dotted line so I can wrap this up and move onto the next prospect who'll happily listen to me tell him the exact opposite of what he really is.

God forbid you piss off someone with direct honesty. With the thinking, "friends at any cost" this country has endured almost a century of Dale Carnegie's, "telling people something they're not. " Is it any wonder no one gives a damn about manners or dress or the truth? It's a very sad thing because I think we're all subjects of this investigation.

HUMP Day

A HUMP in training - Cheating at putt putt - Victoria 1988

HUMP graduation - London - 1992

Welcome to a new series on Wednesday called HUMP (Hugely Unimportant Midlevel Professional) Day. There should be no shortage of qualified candidates and we kick it off with one of the biggest HUMPs I know. Myself.

Key to being a HUMP is a gigantic sense of self importance despite the fact you could disappear from the face of the earth and no one would ever know - much less care. This navel gazing period of life, usually in one's mid 30s, follows some equally unimportant corporation making you Vice President (along with hundreds of others) and sending you to London with a big fat expense account which is happily abused.

A favorite acquisition with company plastic is the Hermes tie. The HUMP prefers to wear his tie with the Hermes logo'ed narrow end flapping about for all to see. Much like "Show & Tell" of unbuttoned cuffs on MTM in Mexico suit jackets.

The HUMP returns to the states and speaks with a slight questioning lilt at the end of each sentence while telling stories of odd jackets, double cuffs, lifts, holidays, westkits and getting a leg over. Add to this the HUMP struggle to find packets of Silk Cuts & digestive biscuits, loose Lapsang Souchong, A4 notebooks and proper pork pies.

Unless the HUMP is jerked out of this dangerous affliction of arrogance and entitlement by either (1)repeated failures or (2)loved ones, the result can lead to chairmanship of an international company, a bad perm and a desire to, "get one's life back" after taking a king size crap in the Gulf of Mexico.