23 June 2010

Distressed Death by Polo

Mr. Ralph Lauren
650 Madison Ave
New York, NY 10022

Dear Mr Lauren:

It's been a while and I haven't heard from you or your office. I'm guessing you're out of town. Maybe for the whole Summer. I know rich people do that. I was also thinking, that maybe you were thinking, that I'm just a 'one idea' kinda guy. Boy, are you wrong. I got tons of ideas. Here's another one I'm going to give you for free.

You know how you're involved in so many cool things? You've come a long way from wide ties. That's because you're not only cool. You're a genius on top of being cool. But here's a genius idea that can't miss. Ralph Lauren tombstones. Pretty cool, huh? I always say, "people gotta die." I stole that from, "people gotta eat." But it's true, you know? Nobody gets out of this world alive.

Just because you're dead doesn't mean you can't be cool. What's cooler than having an 18th century tombstone? I think you'll agree with me that most tombstones are pretty boring and very 1970's looking although I'm not sure why.

My idea - I mean your idea (;), is to offer different models of replica tombstones from the 1700s and distress them like jeans. I think a sand blaster would work. Then stain them with some greasy green moss looking paint. How cool is that?

So now you have two big picture ideas from me. I'll tell you, if I don't hear from you soon, I'm going to have to approach Mickey Drexler with this idea. Not that I want to but this is a no brainer and I gotta strike while the marble's hot. Who knows...Tommy Hilfiger could be working on this already.


The Trad

PS- We can put your our Polo player on the lower right side of the stone. I think that would be very understated.


Enzo AGC said...

"PS- We can put your our Polo player on the lower right side of the stone. I think that would be very understated."

Dude, you don't get to decide where the "pony" goes. That's what THEY will tell YOU at logo allocation.

Been back for a week but heading to Newport, RI for the weekend for the S/S GANT ad shoot. Any recs?

tintin said...

Enzo- For the photo shoot?

Enzo AGC said...

I'm sure you'd have plenty ideas there but we have that all wrapped up. To eat good sir, to eat.

tintin said...

Rats. Top Secret PM sent to you. Great places. Little known. Lets keep it that way or until I decide to do another post on Newport. Blushing Hostess taught me everything I know about Newport.

Trailer Trad said...

Tin Tin,

I'm sure you're familiar with the 80/20 Rule which says that eighty percent of sales are produced by twenty percent of the staff.

I propose the 'The Trad/20 Rule' which states that eighty percent of interesting trad blog content is generated by The Trad.

-Your recent posts have been very 'USEFUL', as golf's David Feherty might say.

james at 10engines said...

the steak post was inspirational ... and these letters are just full-on "bolts" as the youth say.

TRVS said...


*Sardellas for good home cooked Italian, 30 Memorial Blvd West, the downstairs has more atmosphere.

*Tucker's Bistro~think 1930s... French/American & a fabulous interior: 150 Broadway.

Just wander about, you'll find a well!

La Maison Fou said...

Lovely idea;
Isn't it rue, in the earlier part of the cantury and looking at older cemeteries, there was a more "personalized" approach to headstones. The small family plot where some of my relatives are reating in peace, there are faux bois trees, animal themed headstones,one giant tomb with a stag on top of the plot,lambs and us naval inspired ones as well. In another section is the Jewish and Catholic section with wonderful star of david and crucifix inspired stones.
I like the shape of those stones, why the flat, very similar headstones now?
I suppose they are easier to keep weeded and mowed over. They are nonetheless more ordinary than stoic plots from yesteryear.
Interesting idea to pick, purchase and prepare for your own headstone.

Belle de Ville said...

Very clever. Are you selling the idea outright or taking a percentage of profits?
A lifetime ago I wrote an analysis on Gucci, which at that time was taking over the world with Tom Ford at the design helm, I suggested that as long as they stamped the logo on every imaginable item, they might as well brand condoms too. They never took my suggestion, I wonder why.

Anonymous said...

Priceless memo to Mr. Lifshitz. You will probably regret not getting the proper IP rights prior to posting it.

At one time, I really enjoyed Polo clothing. Although a tad pricey, their garments, shoes, accessories et al were unique, well made and durable. Then the vast majority of production was taken offshore to gain the benefits of the China Price.

In recent years their once novel lifestyle paradigm got grossly distrorted. Now a vast majority of their goods are simply gaudy junk.

Nevertheless, his classic car collection is one of the world's best.

ACL said...

If anything, I think J. Press should get into the death biz — for obvious reasons.

Family Man said...

In the name of "efficiency," modern tombstones are flat on the ground so that the riding mower can whizz right over them. Most cemetaries won't let you erect a marker; it has to be flat.

What an abomination. Makes me want to hop in a time machine just before I die so I can have a real tombstone, and not just an anonymous, unobstrusive stepping stone.

brohammas said...

Were I a more suspicious man I would suspect some sort of veiled threat here. If your next post involves footwear, an old army story about mixing cement, and anything that rhymes with "creeps Smith the swishes", I would suggest Mr. Lauren double his security.

I would also suggest Mr. Lauren do a loyalty check by checking if all his employees are wearing logoed socks.

I preffer to not wear socks.

M.Lane said...

This is a great series. Whenever I see the internal address to RL I start laughing even before I read your latest idea.

I am certainly buying a RL grave stone. A must have.


tintin said...

Trailer Trad- I try to be a resource.

james- I'm still working on 'off the hook' Beautiful meter to it.

TRVS- Show off.

La Maison - I assume death has to decline since life's in the crapper. Soon we'll be put in a hefty bag and buried with our hand sticking out holding our Diner's Club card.

Belle- Gucci condoms. Seems a no brainer. You want I should try and pitch it again?

Anon- Next letter I ask for the broker of record letter on that car collection.

ACL- You walk in there and you can just feel the love in the room.

Family Man- Hefty bag.

brohammas- Thanks for turning me into a stalker. You've just blown any chance I had.

M Lane- ACL's gonna put 'em on his web site. You can get Polo or Press. Press is cheaper and has a flap for flowers.

Brummagem Joe said...

.....whenever I ride past a large cemetery with all those elaborate Victorian tombstones I always think about the amount of capital tied up there. There's a whole industry that could based on recycling all that granite, limestone and marble so maybe Ralphie could start buying cemeteries.......all those obelisks would make fantastic and very Ralph Lauren garden ornaments.