"I Never Killed Anybody Who Didn't Deserve It."

Christoper Walken - Thug or philanthropist?

Frank's bodyguards

Larry Fishburne before Laurence - A weakness for root beer and kotex

David Caruso is Dennis Gilley. Beware fire hydrants.

After watching King of New York on home video in the early 90's, the Echo Xray said, "I feel like that movie has covered my living room with a film of filth." Not as good a line as Walken's, "I never killed anybody who didn't deserve it." but close. The hookers, drug dealers, crooked cops, sleazy lawyers and the city of New York are filthy. Even the Plaza's Presidential Suite looks dirty. But every actor here delivers without restraint.

Director Abel Ferrera was born in the Bronx in 1951 and King (1990) is book ended by Cat Chaser (1989), a picture Kelly McGillis said was such a bad experience she quit acting for 10 years and Bad Lieutenant (1992) with Harvey Keitel. Do not rent Bad Lt. yet or you'll get ahead of me.

Looking at the credits, I wondered if having a vowel on the end of your last name was a requirement for King. Certainly the director didn't hold anyone back. I can hear Ferrera now, "Okay, you're character is a cop and a scum bag." "Okay, your character is a lawyer and a scum bag." "Okay, you're character is a politician and a scum bag." Nihilism isn't a strong enough word. In the army we used two. 'Whale shit' because nothing is lower.

But there's a beauty in darkness and King of New York is beautiful to watch. I suggest picking some beautiful bright Saturday afternoon, closing the curtains and turning up the a/c. The Blue Ray version takes away some of the dirt so you shouldn't have to cover your living room furniture.

Wednesday's HUMP - Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie - Origins of HUMP (Hugely Unimportant Midlevel Professional)

Andrew Cedotal of Styleite

I'm always flattered when asked for an interview -- Unless I'm being asked for an interview by the FBI. An old friend and agent told me, "Ask if you're the subject of the investigation. If not, tell them everything you know." It was good advice. Honesty is a good thing. Unless you're the subject of the investigation.

But this was a pleasant interview by a pleasant young man about pleasant things: J Press, Paul Fussell, Take Ivy, Toots Shor...And then Andrew Cedotal of Styleite.com leaned forward and asked, "When do you think it all started to go down hill?" I didn't need clarification. I talked. I talked a lot. But I don't think he got an answer. I have one now.

In 1990, I was sent to a 12 week Dale Carnegie course and I learned this: "Find what it is about someone that really pisses you off and turn it into a compliment." For example - If you're a disingenuous ass kisser who would sell your mother for one rung up the corporate ladder and you wear Kenneth Cole square toed shoes - - I'd say to you, "You know what I like about you next to those beautiful shoes? You're the most honest and straight forward man I've ever met. You tell it like it like it is and that's a very rare commodity today. How's your mother?"

There, I just saved you 12 weeks of nights away from your family. Carnegie published his first best seller, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" in the 1930s and I think it was the start of the end. I mean, the title alone is almost as bad as, "Relationship Manager." Whoever came up with that job description must have been a graduate of Dale Carnegie.

I'm not saying this was an honest country before Dale. Hell, this country has always been about selling. To make the most money with the least amount of effort. "Hey, Bill. Love your tie. That was some fun last night, huh? Let's hope our wives never find out. How about signing here on the dotted line so I can wrap this up and move onto the next prospect who'll happily listen to me tell him the exact opposite of what he really is.

God forbid you piss off someone with direct honesty. With the thinking, "friends at any cost" this country has endured almost a century of Dale Carnegie's, "telling people something they're not. " Is it any wonder no one gives a damn about manners or dress or the truth? It's a very sad thing because I think we're all subjects of this investigation.

American Fabrics Magazine

(click on images to enlarge)

There was a vacant old house up the hill from my great grandparents farm where I played as a kid. Old magazines were strewn everywhere among feed, rusted tools and other by products of rural NC I was happy to remain ignorant of. I do remember the colors of the 40s magazines and how the 50s issues toned the garish intensity of the prior decade down.

A month ago I found five issues of American Fabrics Magazine in a used NYC bookstore and the colors and design threw me back to that old house. This is the Summer - 1951 issue and while the 40s are hanging on - you see the 50s barreling down the road in clean modern design about to run over the garment trade who were its readers.

Gentry Magazine (Winter '52 to Spring '57) was a men's fashion outgrowth of American Fabrics complete with monotone pictures, blazing color ads and hand glued fabric swatches. In fact, this issue announces Gentry for the first time and offers charter subscriptions of four issues a year for a whopping eight bucks or $70 according to my CPI calculator.

Published by a fascinating Macon, GA native, William Segal, American Fabrics Magazine measures 11" x 14 1/2" and that makes things difficult when your scanner bed is 8 3/4" x 12" hence the two part cover. I did what I could to get you a decent image but like most books the vibrancy of the magazine has to be seen and held for full effect.

Gentry, like most men's fashion ephemera, is a tough find largely because men threw their magazines away (Unlike one man I know who has moved 64 issues of 'M' Magazine nine times). But because women saved their fashion magazines there's ample availability on eBay where they run between $40 to $55 an issue. Get off the beaten path and you should be able to find American Fabrics under $25.

Where's Your Flag?

A genius despite his shade of nail polish.

Design Inspiration

Hudson's Bay Company Magazine? Beautiful but missing yellow.

Hudson's Bay Company Scotch? No and I can't find this Scotch anywhere.

Hudson's Bay Company Point Blanket? Cue the ballons.

Surprised so few of you knew the inspiration for my 'RLR' line. You know what they say..."You don't have to have a point... to have a point. Have a pointless weekend.

The Shirt Off My Back: Ralph Lauren Rules!

Option I

Option II

Option III

P.S. A polo shirt with three cool options, Mr Lauren.

Option I - A cream short sleeve polo with the collar done in green, red, yellow and black. I added the RLR (Ralph Lauren Rules!) monogram just for you, sir.

Option II - A cream short sleeve polo with sleeve banded in green, red, yellow and black.

Option III (my favorite, Mr Lauren) - A cream short sleeve polo with the rear tail banded in green, red, yellow and black.

BTW, I don't really need that Town Car...I mean, if that's holding things up I can take the subway to work - not a problem whatsoever.

Vreeland's Memo 6.10.1970

(click on memo to read)

I would have loved to have met her. Had a drink and cigarette with her. Talk about what kept her from being bored. This collection of her memos and perhaps this video are the next best things.

HUMP Day

A HUMP in training - Cheating at putt putt - Victoria 1988

HUMP graduation - London - 1992

Welcome to a new series on Wednesday called HUMP (Hugely Unimportant Midlevel Professional) Day. There should be no shortage of qualified candidates and we kick it off with one of the biggest HUMPs I know. Myself.

Key to being a HUMP is a gigantic sense of self importance despite the fact you could disappear from the face of the earth and no one would ever know - much less care. This navel gazing period of life, usually in one's mid 30s, follows some equally unimportant corporation making you Vice President (along with hundreds of others) and sending you to London with a big fat expense account which is happily abused.

A favorite acquisition with company plastic is the Hermes tie. The HUMP prefers to wear his tie with the Hermes logo'ed narrow end flapping about for all to see. Much like "Show & Tell" of unbuttoned cuffs on MTM in Mexico suit jackets.

The HUMP returns to the states and speaks with a slight questioning lilt at the end of each sentence while telling stories of odd jackets, double cuffs, lifts, holidays, westkits and getting a leg over. Add to this the HUMP struggle to find packets of Silk Cuts & digestive biscuits, loose Lapsang Souchong, A4 notebooks and proper pork pies.

Unless the HUMP is jerked out of this dangerous affliction of arrogance and entitlement by either (1)repeated failures or (2)loved ones, the result can lead to chairmanship of an international company, a bad perm and a desire to, "get one's life back" after taking a king size crap in the Gulf of Mexico.

Dear Mr. Lauren

Mr. Ralph Lauren
650 Madison Avenue,
New York, NY 10022

Dear Mr Lauren:

I know we've had our differences in the past. But I want you to know that I think you're the best greatest designer in the World. If not the Universe. You are a great man and my hero. I want to repay you for turning you into the Department of Defense and offer you these designs I created for another high end fashion designer.

I would have gone to you first because, as I said, you're the best, but look at it this way, I did most of the stealing here so you don't have to.

Up first is a cotton sweater perfect for walking on the beach in the Hamptons. I lived there so I should know. Although, there was only one Hampton when I lived there. Maybe they changed the name of Newport News to Hampton so it sounds better. I don't know.

This was my cool idea that kicked it all off. The British people call this a Brolly and while I don't know why, I think it sounds cool. Just like you, I think most British things are cool. It would make a nice golf umbrella for Purple Label. Or, you can call it, "Green, Red, Yellow and Black Label."

This is a broadcloth shirt guys can wear untucked because, as you know too well, untucked is cool. The pant is a white cotton chino and I'm illustrating how I would do the back trouser pockets. Actually, that's how Julian's in Chapel Hill does back pockets but as I mentioned...I'll do the stealing for you.

I added a description here in my own writing. I think my hand writing is designer-ish. Is that a word? It is now. Ha- Ha. I have many more but thought this small sample would wet your appetite. These are just for you and they're free. Go ahead. Take them. And you can even steal my, "Green, Red, Yellow and Black Label" idea. All you have to do is hire me.

I have lots of ideas. And fashion magazines from many years ago. Some of them are from Europe so nobody alive or in America has ever seen them. Wink - Wink. I can start right away. We would, of course, have to work out some sort of agreement. I'm open to a salary but do require the following:

Clothing Allowance: Anna Wintour gets $200,000 a year. I could get by on just $50,000. That's 'cause I'd buy most of your clothes at my favorite Polo outlet in Orlando. You're like - just giving away Purple Label down there.

Company Discount: What is it? 50%, 70% or 90%? And can I get a bigger discount on my own line? I'd like to do that umbrella in patched sail nylon and hoo - baby, that's gonna be some big bucks. I really should be able to get one free.

Lunch: Do you pay for lunch or do I have to bring it?

Transportation: Again, I mention Anna here because she gets a Mercedes S class and I'm willing to settle for a Lincoln Town car. I think it's much more American - don't you?

Fit Model: Can I have one of those girls from the Rugby ads? I already have my own form that I would use for designing men's stuff but one of those Rugby girls would be really cool for my inspiration.

Well, that's the important stuff out of the way. I'm not so big on the Medical and the 401k stuff. Besides, if you pick up lunch I should be able to save tons of money. I know I threw a lot at you but give it some thought and feel free to call me day or night. Ralph Lauren Rules! (RLR! Another cool logo?)

The Trad

Short Arm Inspection at Short Shrifted

Josh over at Short Shrifted asked that I guest post about a subject near and dear to my heart. It can be seen here.

The Straw Boater...

Photograph by Saul Leiter

And an argument for its return. Found hanging in the stairwell of the men's Hermes store in NYC.

Off My Back: Grey & Pray for Capper & Capper

A great name (long gone) but a tough color


Albert Thurston limited edition "Puffin Nuffin" braces - Bow Tie from Hornets

Paul Stuart Braces - Souleiado Tie (Spray & Pray)

Albert Thurston Boxcloth Braces - Herge Tie

I'm tempted to sew a name tag over the pocket. I can go with a green tie but I'll look like a park ranger. I need help. Anyone?

Poplin in the Algonquin

I had my first NYC martini at the Algonquin in 1984. Mr Hoy served it to me shaken ice cold and up with olives. I had come from my first NYC job interview at 20th Century Fox and my optimism made up for the fact I could barely afford the drink. So I had two. It was 3:30 and the bar was empty so Mr. Hoy and I told each other lies about our time in the Army. He was a wonderful man I'll never forget.

In the 90s, the Algonquin was my hotel of choice when I visited NYC from Chicago. It was cheap and thread bare but I loved it. I was sitting at the bar one afternoon when I heard this unmistakable laugh behind me. I turned to see Charles Nelson Reilly in a crunched up khaki hat and madras shirt holding court with a couple suits. I told Mr. Hoy I would be right back.

I Walked across 44th Street to a pay phone and called a buddy. "Is Charles Nelson Reilly still alive?" "Yep, " he said. "I'll be damned." I said and walked back to my drink. Sitting at the bar I eavesdropped and discovered Charles was directing a play. I asked Mr Hoy if he ever saw The Ghost and Mrs Muir. He had not. Not surprising for a man who tended bar nights. I should have mentioned Match Game.

Many owners and refurbishings later there's still something about the place I find soulful and real. Certainly there's the, "If these walls could talk..." thing going on. But the Algonquin stands proudly on her history... and some of that history is now my history.

A Man's Movie: Summer Lovers

Shot on the Greek Island of Santorini, this 1982 guilty pleasure of cheese gives you travel poster scenery, gorgeous naked women, lots of drinking and smoking, plenty of sex and The Three Stooges. What it doesn't give you is a story but as a critic wrote, "Any movie about a menage a trois on a Greek Island can't be all bad." Amen to that. Daryl Hannah, Peter Gallagher and a stunning Valerie Quennessen (1957-1989) star.

Directed by Blue Lagoon's, Randal Kleiser, a college buddy turned screenwriter met the director at a party and told Kleiser how much his college room mate (me) loved this film. Kleiser avoided my buddy the rest of the night. The horrible story is kept alive with a bouncing sound track that includes Robert Palmer's, Johnny and Mary (covered by Tina Turner in the film) seen here in a equally cheesy Italian video from 1980. I suggest pairing this movie with a Santorini chardonnay and some feta. Make it a whole lotta feta.

Press Only: The Trad & The New Yorker

Alright, it was the on line issue but I'll take it. I'll take, "...idiosyncratic" as well. Do I have to subscribe now?