02 July 2012

WASP Jokes

How can you tell when you're in a WASP neighborhood?
The homes are very large and the lawns are well-cared for.

Why do WASPs have such large balls?
Because they find it difficult to hold small intimate gatherings without slighting family, friends or business acquaintances.

How did the first WASPs come to America?
On the Mayflower.

How do you tell the bride at a WASP wedding?
She's the one in the white gown standing next to the groom.

What do WASPs put on their front lawns?

How many pallbearers are there at a WASP funeral?
Six, although there may be more so-called honorary pallbearers.

Why did the WASP throw his alarm clock out the window?
As a histrionic gesture demonstrating his dissatisfaction with the regimentation of his life.

From The Harvard Lampoon, December, 1973


LPC said...

Well this comes closer than much claptrap about my culture.

Most recently, Seating Arrangements.

We are neither our lawns, nor our chintz, nor our alcohol. Thank you very much.

Ben said...

What does a WASP wife serve for lunch?
A tasty sandwich, crisp lemonade, and sparkling conversation.

LRD said...

The guy from Wasp101 is at Home Depot buying sod in bulk as we speak.

Anonymous said...

Talk about great satire -- that LPC blog is some serious parody! Brilliant.

LPC said...

And that's sarcasm, which is neither satire nor parody nor brilliant.

tintin said...

I pride myself on being a sarcastic SOB. I inherited it from my father who once told a bank president, I had no idea Sears still made suits." I think sarcasm can be brilliant and funny. Like my Dad.

KSB said...

The poor WASP is an endangered species - they can't even get a slot at the Supreme Court anymore.

Brooks Brothers owned by Italians. Press by the Japanese.

Does God still take calls from the Cabots? I suspect not. At least GHWB still has a very rakish caricature from his UN days at the original Palm (upstairs and towards the back.)

But I could be wrong. The demise of the WASP has been part of the American consciousness since Millard Fillmore and the Know Nothing Party. The Brits worried about it in their context as well, whether it was Enoch Powell's noxious "Rivers of Blood" speech or Macmillan saying of one Thatcher's cabinets that "There are more Estonians than Etonians."

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

BigDaddyMan said...

Two wasps met for their weekly golf game.
One said to the other "Jack, you know we see each other every week but you never ask after my family".
"By gosh Chet, you're absolutely right. How is your family?"
"They're fine, thanks".

The Invisible Finger said...

We used to have a wasp class calling the shots in the uk. These days the water company is Chinese, the steel and range rovers Indian. The football clubs and pretty houses Russian and Arab.
Money talks... But then it always did.

Brohammas said...

and WASPs falling from power is bad because...?

Anonymous said...

WASPs for some odd reason turned over power to a hostile elite who have an enormous animosity towards them and the historic american nation.

People here can joke around about it, they can call people racist!@ who point it out, they can pretend that when we are minorities it will be wonderful and everyone will hold hands and sing songs about diversity but the truth is far more disturbing.

Sheik of Araby said...

It's nice [?] to hear from that Laguna Beach idiot once in awhile, but why is he posting anonymously?

We can always count on the racist jackasses to remind us why white people going extinct is the best news in a generation.

tintin said...

KSB- The gene pool for WASPs was pretty damned small by the eighties. Who can blame them? Hell, who wanted to sleep with them much less have lunch with them.

Big Daddy - My Irish Catholic ex-wife told me a WASP joke on our 1st date. What's the definition of a WASP? Someone who gets out of the shower to pee.

Finger- That says it all.

Bro- Only if you don't mind the intrusion -- Who are you voting for?

Anon - I smell fried cod.

I'm white and I can't stand me.

jo blow said...

Ha. Whtevr u say.

jo blow said...

Actually, it's irony.