16 January 2009

Trad Winter

Bored outta my mind.
Kalustyan's is where it's at.

It's cold in NY. It's what I call, "Chicago Cold." My ex wife, a Chicago native, told me upon moving to Chicago, "Never listen to the wind chill factor. Close your ears and hum loudly. Anything not to hear it because it will -freak -you- out." When I moved to Chicago a friend from NYC saw my gloves. "You'll have to get rid of those." "Why, I said. "They're warm." "They're New York gloves. You're gonna need Chicago gloves." He was right. Yesterday my doorman teased me the about my timing in coming to NY from Florida. "Man, did you pick the wrong time or what?" Or what?

I could care less how cold it gets in NYC...I'd rather be here than anywhere. The desert is warm. Panama is warm. But what the Hell are you going to do? That's the problem with Florida. It's a thumping bore. And what are the kinds of people boring places attract? Exactly.

Interstate 10 cuts across the panhandle of Florida - - I like to think of it as the crack of America's ass. Passing through so much vulgar mediocrity can suck the life out of you. Cities poorly planned with horrible little shopping strips. Soulless. Clueless. Ugly. Warm. I am not going to spend my life somewhere because the weather's nice. A long time ago I went through a police academy. It's a long story but one of the instructors was an ex California Highway Patrolman. A motorcycle cop no less. I'll never forget his warning about warm places. They attract nuts. Why? The living is easy and nuts like easy living.

Chicago and New York have their share of nuts but nothing like Miami, Phoenix or LA. You can't really appreciate having dinner on a sidewalk cafe without suffering brain freeze to the face. Maybe you can --but I can't. I need to suffer for my Spring and Summer. To pay my dues and earn it. Charles Bukowski said, "The ocean's boring." I think he got it right.


Mom on the Run said...

I'm not a fan of Florida. I always call it "the musty state". When you get off the plane you can smell it.

I think I could handle mid Atlantic cold, but the wind whipping through the prairies is something I never miss. Ever.

Ms Robinson said...

See I got here Tintin. In truth I don't visit many blogs but that doesn't mean I luv ya any less. And I adore your city. x

Anonymous said...

I must disagree with your comment about 1-10/warmer climates being clueless and soulless - consider Mobile and New Orleans. I suggest that no one who has spent any amount of time in either place would call either city clueless or soulless. Slower paced than NYC, no doubt but for good food, good drink and a wonderful time both places are hard to beat. Petigru's Ghost

Ben said...

That CHP was absolutely spot on! I've always said that all the nuts end up in Hawaii, going West and going warm.

David Koresh, Mark David Chapman, and the AK-47 wielding nutjob who fired at Clinton's White House a decade ago, all came through Hawaii at one time or another.

Anonymous said...

A New Yorker who can't stand California? Geez, talk about boring.

Alice Olive said...

Brain freeze to the face. Oh, that is exactly how it feels today! My face sort of cried as it uncrumpled when I got to my office building, after walking just four blocks from the station. When my fingers were working again, I immediately booked a weekend in Miami. Seriously.

longwing said...

After 14 months, I'll get 4 days in NY in March. I'm looking forward to it.

Life in the sticks has some compensations, but exciting it is not.

Anonymous said...

All things considered, anywhere but NY is boring.

Giuseppe said...

I love my Boston winters.

It's like you said, spring and summer are better if you earn them.

No pleasure without pain, right?

Anonymous said...

Yup, and The Great Warm South It's 12 degrees there today! Growing up in a warm Florida coastal tourist town - and I wouldn't have traded it for anywhere - I finally just wanted to live in a city where leaves fell from trees and no one toured it, or even visited it unless they had a reason to be there. That was 26 years ago. Hmm.

Sure I miss the water (No, not the beach, damn it!) and a place with history. But all in all I agree with you. I once spent a long fall in Wisconsin and they all thought that I was the nut for being there!

I, however, like I-10. I even like the boredom of it. After the pin-ball drive along I-75 it feels like meditation. And no billboards.


tintin said...

Mom on the Run- How right you are about that smell. Although, the smell of low tide on a salt marsh is something I love.

Ms Robinson- I'm flattered. You're the best out there.

Petrigru's Ghost- Good lord, I'm talking about Florida.

Ben- Old cops can be cynical but oh so very wise.

Kurt- I'm not a New Yorker and (Good Lord) this is about Florida.

Alice- South Miami, bottled blondes (men and women), nail extensions, platic surgery, buff bodies, volley ball on the beach, Corvettes...So, not Trad. Rent a car and head up to Palm Beach and have dinner outside on the Terrace somewhere. There's a nice old Italian place called Renatos.

Grilled calamari and a cold glass of white wine while you dine in your shorts and...Wait! I love the cold. I love the cold. I love the cold. Soup, Chili, Pasta Fagoli...Good for the soul. Palm Beach is evil (and perhaps affordable).

Longwing- Give us a PM and lets plan something with Wilder. Maybe take him to TGI Fridays for lunch.

Anon- When I go from FL to NYC it's like sticking my finger in a light socket. I actually did that when I was 8. About the same time I jammed a stick in a ground wasp nest and was dropping large rocks on toads. Lest anyone reading the comments section under estimate my stupidity.

Giuseppe- I suspect Boston winters can be frightful. Only there a couple of times but loved it. Have to get back soon...Need a shot of the Andover shop.

Blushing hostess said...

Florida, Dear Boy, is a good deal less boring when the Hostess is about the old places...

Anonymous said...

Anyone who says, "NYC...I'd rather be here than anywhere" is a New Yorker. It's not where you live, it's where you WANT to live that defines you.

initials CG said...

... trapped in suburban mediocrity.... Bukowski and CHP are right! Think of how warm you're flannel POW slacks feel on your skin....

I really like the slacks.

Anonymous said...

And that my friend, is why God created Georgia, South Carolina,North Carolina, etc... fewer whack jobs than FL and much nicer weather than NY.
Long live the South! ME

M.Lane said...

I am still laughing about this one my friend--and you know the reason. You need to express yourself man! Don't hold back on these things! Love the latest Trad shoe shot too.

BTW, for a really old school Trad winter...how about Duluth [the city of my birth]? Now there you REALLY earn your spring. About March 15 you stagger through the snow to the Leif Ericson longboat in the park and bow down and pray for a blade of green grass to pop out. Anywhere.

You are firing from both barrels so far in 09! Keep it up.


PS and do the book.

RandyLuvsPaiste said...

The velvet slippers rock!

...because you can't wear Yumas all the time.

Belle de Ville said...

You're right about warm weather and nuts...California is the nutcase capital of the United States.
Still, I like the view from my desk on a day like today when it is 80 degrees and clear and I can see the snow on the mountains behind downtown Los Angeles.
But there is some truth in the fact that we don't appreciate our warm summers...because we don't earn them.

Dave said...

Anyone from the South will tell you Florida isn't included. Too many people migrate there. There might be a lot of nuts in southern FL, but the I-10 portion is just fine, thank you. And fishing offshore year round? Sign me up.

tintin said...

Blushing Hostess- I know EF EL pretty well. Old places included. They're nice to be sure but what happens when ya gotta get on I95? If the 88 year old in the Buick doesn't kill you the Bubba 16 year old driving the pick up with a loaded 810 Remington will.

Kurt- Man, I wish you were right. Just 'cause I wanna be something doesn't make me something. I'd like to live in London but that doesn't make me British. Does it?

cg- Thanks. I'm still trying to find a pr of trousers that'll go with those Lobbs. I fear they're headed for Ebay.

ME- Mmmm, August south of the gnat line in GA, listening to sketters hit the bug light while sucking on a ice cold Miller Genuine Draft. It does have it's place.

M Lane- I should'a held back a little but am so tired of weather complaints. It can always be worse-- It could cloud up and shit.

Randy- Thanks, man. They Yumas are still killing my instep.

Belle- I was taught that "entitlement" was the road to ruin but that "Great" was the first four letters of Grateful...although I couldn't spell then (and now).

Dave- We always called Northeast Florida Southeast Georgia. Alas, I don't have the patience to fish. Drinkk beer in a boat, yes but not to fish.

Anonymous said...

"I could care less" means that you care quite a bit. Surely, you meant to say "I couldn't care less".