Freddie was my roommate at the Aetna Casualty claims school in Hartford. He was black but sounded white. Like he was from Texas - which he was. He called me "buddy" and "pardnuh." Talked about golf and bass fishing nonstop. We were in a recently constructed dorm called Aetna University which sat directly across the ersatz 18th century corporate headquarters.
Every Friday at 4:30 PM, we stood at our window and watched the female employees flood out the front doors of what looked like a giant Ethan Allen. Oddly enough, there was amazing diversity for an insurance company in Hartford. And there were beautiful women...which is why we were standing there in the first place.
I leaned towards the women I thought were "put together." Freddie liked the sluts. I'm not sure if that's a Texas thing as much as a golf and bass fishing thing. Either way, Freddie's aesthetic didn't extend much beyond big tits and a high tide butt. It didn't take long for each of us to understand the other's taste and point out what we thought the other might appreciate.
ME
(pointing)
There ya go, Freddie. Massive hooters in a maroon pant suit at three o'clock.
FREDDIE
Little rough even for me, buddy. Cheap dye job and nail extensions.
ME
You didn't know what nail extensions were until I told you.
FREDDIE
When's your girl get here? Eleven o'clock -- Coming down the sidewalk.
ME
Too much makeup. Around six I think.
FREDDIE
Mystic should make for a nice weekend. Ever been? How about that senorita crossing the street?
ME
Face is too squished in. Never been. How 'bout, Jackie?
FREDDIE
You mean in our class?
ME
Yeah, she's in Tulsa. I bet she fishes.
FREDDIE
She bites her nails. Can't stand that. Here ya go.. parking lot. Green top...
ME
There's worse things than biting nails, Freddie. What green top?
FREDDIE
It's like a green jacket. She's got a scarf on.
ME
The blonde in the paisley skirt?
FREDDIE
That's the one, pardnuh.
ME
Cute walk. She looks like...
FREDDIE
Doris Day.
ME
I was gonna say my girlfriend.
FREDDIE
That's right up your wheelhouse. Go on down and say, hey.
ME
Freddie...
FREDDIE
Yeah?
ME
That is my girlfriend.
FREDDIE
No shit.
ME
Yep.
FREDDIE
That's like passing some kind'a weird ass test, pardnuh.
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8 comments:
One of the bests posts in weeks...I feel like I was on the other side of the room sipping a beer and listening to the exchange..and then snorting beer thru my nostrils in laughter at the end.
Hilarious!
I agree, it was like passing a friendship test.
Meanwhile, I forget men see the detail. Thank goodness I don't bite my nails.
Classic.
The pun took me longer than the writing the post.
Doris Day? Zowie!
-DB
And the pun is truly terrible. Worthy of a good afternoon's work.
Nicely done! It brought back memories of when I spent six glorious weeks at Aetna's Home Office Sales Course in 1980. I, too, had a roommate from Texas and he was just as much of an education as the coursework in what they proudly called "the largest Colonial Revival building in the world".
Interestingly enough, Aetna's building was designed by James Gamble Rogers, who's responsible for much of what people like at Yale. You're right, 151 Farmington Ave (aka "the home office") is enormous (it even had squash courts), but it's a much better building than anything Ethan Allen will ever throw up.
Reminds me of the summer of '84 when a friend and I would rate girls passing by riding their bikes. In our 12 year old minds, every girl was hot!
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