Wacked Hermes salesgirls did this
Safely home with lots of Hermes ribbon
Those salesgirls at Hermes are certifiable. I headed over there at lunch today to have some of my ties repaired including this bow tie. One of my favorites. A very attractive salesgirl is helping me out, explains how Hermes will clean and repair my ties, including my favorite bow tie pictured here, and then asks me, "So, you like our ties, oui?" I tell her I do and explain this particular bow tie is one of my favorites. She smiles and asks me, "You like ze bow tie?" "Yes, ma'am." I tell her. "I especially like the one with giraffes."
She tells me she needs to check the bow tie as it may be a rare and collectible design and asks me to step behind the counter. I follow her through a side door while telling her I don't doubt this bow tie is rare but I'm not selling - - although it would be nice to know the value strictly for insurance purposes and the next thing I know Hermes salesgirls are all over me giggling and wrapping me in Hermes ribbon and calling me Bo or I guess it was Beau...Anyway, it was terrifying. I yell at them, "Stop it. I'm a veteran for God's sakes." That doesn't help.
I think I strained my lower back during the melee. Around L4 to L5. But I make a run for it and I'm tearing down 5th Avenue covered in ribbon. Some guy from a bodega ran after me with orange tulips saying how good they'd look with the ribbon. What a day.
There are a lot of ways to die in NYC. Certainly going to NY Beverage in the Bronx for Barritt's Ginger Beer is one way but I never thought I could die in an Hermes store. The horror.
In all honesty, I could think of much worse ways to die than being mauled by a group of attractive Hermes sales girls.
ReplyDeleteThe next time you need a tie taken in there, let me know and I'll make the sacrifice and go for you.
ReplyDeleteML
mlanesepic.blogspot.com
Just before I was attacked there was this powerful odor of Eau D'Hermes in the air. I should've seen it coming. This happened before when I was attacked by a Huey crew chief and she was wearing Charlie perfume. She wrapped my head in OD green suspension cord. I don't what it is...
ReplyDeleteA case of designer bondage? (Servage?)
ReplyDeleteFunny, they never do that to me when I go in there to buy scarves or perfume. Hmmm.
ReplyDeleteCue Peter Lorre V.O.: "Eeech, the mummy lives...."
ReplyDeleteJust thank God they didn't have a bridle and bit handy. Or maybe not. Y'know...
"and this Hermes store was where exactly...?" he asked, digging out his collection of bow ties.
ReplyDeleteYou should ask out that Hermes sales girl -- she's obviously very interested! And strike while the iron's hot, no more than a week from now.
ReplyDeletehmmm. really. they wrapped you in 2005 ribbon. interesting.
ReplyDeletePreppy Pauper- Never. These girls were savages.
ReplyDeleteMs P&C- Alas, you're not cut from the right ribbon.
Elegant- There was talk of a saddle or was that cheval? Hard to hear in the confusion.
skorpeo- 691 Madison Ave. Be warned, sir...They are aggresive but their nails are short and elegantly manicured.
Anon- I try to refrain from dating the help. I tend to pursue managers.
Holly- You know the French...they never waste anything.
I know Hermes and they don't hire ugly sales girls. I have no pity for you! I think they like you!
ReplyDeleteI want to say something terribly urbane like "For heaven's sake, Tintin, get a hold of yourself." But for some reason I found myself wanting to BE that salesgirl. Giggles and all. Damn.
ReplyDeleteAnd Skorpeo! You keep those ties in that drawer!
ReplyDeleteI just want to say that you live more during your lunch hour than I do all day. If you aren't at the Four Seasons you are at bondage hour at Heremes!
ReplyDeleteNow that's what I call a blog post. Adventure, French girls, a giraffe covered bow tie.
ReplyDeleteI commend you on your swift decision making as well. I'm glad this wasn't the "how I got herpes in Hermes" story.
If commes des garcons ever collaborated with Hermes, I imagine it would like something like that.
ReplyDeleteM- She looked like Mylene Farmer:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_qrczxNpNo
I may have to go back or round 2.
Tessa- Pay attention to the video.
Michael- It's called being old.
John Patrick- Like I said - -I may have to return.
jane fitz- Can you be my consultant? Love your site as well as your etsy store.
Marvelous photo!
ReplyDeleteGood. jg
ReplyDeleteI stumbled on this blog quite by accident and have had some roaring good laughs. The hoaxes you put out, from being mummified by imaginary Hermes shopgirls to dressing up a mannequin in outerwear like it was a parking meter with a bodice, are hilarious!!!
ReplyDeleteThe most fun is the people who comment as if this were serious, especially the ones who ask for advice from a (faux) fashion guru. They're truly brilliant!
I knew some college students who crafted a very clever internet hoax several years ago, but nothing as outrageous or long-lived as this.
Keep the laughs coming!
What wonderful horror! It is to have one foot in heaven...
ReplyDeleteAnd most excellent photo and story! Bravo.
-DB
I can't believe you think that's a bady way to go. Surrounded by women in the Hermes store... I must be missing something in this story.
ReplyDeleteHave to tell you the photos here gave me deja vu at first. A few of my Hermes scarf shots on Flickr have been 'favourited' by people who enjoy (ahem) scarves. It's a little shocking when you blithely click on their profiles/photos and come face to face with certain scarf obsessions....
Whatever. Live and let live.
Anon 19:11- Thanks. You have good taste.
ReplyDeletejg- Always good to hear from you- Good as in Good, Better, Best?
Anon 21:31 Faux? No more so than any other designer out there getting $450 for a button down oxford, pal.
DB- Be sure to check out the Mylene Farmer video link posted here in comments.
Alice- I'm going back today to see what the company discount is for spouses. If no one hears from me again please send the police to 691Madison Ave.
And your epitaph would read...?
ReplyDeleteDeath by D'Orange. $500 Beach Blanket optional.
ReplyDeleteDuh. I never realized they will clean them for you. My husband's favorite (which reminds me of the opening cloud sequence on The Simpsons) is in bad shape.
ReplyDelete